10 Things NOT To Do On a First Date

10 Things NOT to do on a first date

  1. Don’t expect your date to be your new soulmate right from the beginning. Instead be genuinely curious about them, enjoy your time together, but detach yourself from a specific idea that this will be “The One” right from the start.  Mismatched expectations is a common theme in dating and can lead to a lot of hurt and confusion.
  2. Don’t turn up disinterested and act as if you don’t want to be there.  If this is really how you feel about going on a particular date, then it’s better for you both just to not go ahead. Feeling nervous is one thing, feeling that you can’t actually be bothered, or just turning up because you’re bored, is completely different. 
  3. Don’t talk about your ex or the reasons for your divorce/breakup in any kind of detail.  There is always time for that later. It’s much too easy to get into a negative spiral and talk about horrible exes, legal battles and the horrors of divorce.  It’s natural to want to know the reasons behind a divorce, but work out how you’re going to answer questions about your ex in advance, keep it light and stick with it. Remember, the way you talk about your ex says more about you than it does about them. 
  4. Don’t get too tipsy your date and absolutely don’t turn up already drunk. A glass of wine, or one of two drinks are fine, but be very careful with how much you drink — not just in terms of your personal safety, but also to keep your judgement and observation skills sharp.  You will need them when youdecide about a second date or taking things further. 
  5. Don’t treat a date like an interview with a set list of questions or criteria. Be genuinely interested in getting to know someone, ask interesting questions and really listen to what they have to say.Talking only about yourself or talking over your date is very unattractive and a surefire way of not getting a second date.  Everyone likes to be listened to, so do more of that. 
  6. Don’t be attached to your phone. Unless you have childcare arrangements or you need to be reachable in case of emergency (in which case, explain this to your date), there is no need for you to constantly be checking your phone. In fact, put it away and don’t even have it on the table. If somebody is worth your time in real life, they are worth your full attention while you’re there.
  7. Don’t forget your manners.  Turning up late, being rude to your date and/or service staff, swearing, poor table manners, being loud and obnoxious, getting drunk, and not being suitably dressed for the kind of place you’re at,are all examples of things that are a no-no on a first date (or any other date for that matter).  Sometimes these things are just ill-judged behaviour, but they can also be helpful red flags for you to look out for, so observe closely. 
  8. Don’t treat your date as a therapy session, or psycho-analyse your date based on what they tell you about themselves and their lives. At this stage it’s really none of your business and not your place to advise someone on how to live their life. 
  9. Don’t overshare your whole life story and all the hardship you’ve experienced. Your date is still a virtual stranger and there is no need to go into all that details this early on.  If you both make the cut for second and third dates there is plenty of time for that later on. 
  10. Don’t overstay. I think leaving a first date with both parties knowing they want more, and the anticipation of doing it all again is very powerful and can be the start of something wonderful. Leave your date on a high, feeling fantastic for having met yu, and already thinking of the next time they can see you!

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