Is It Really Possible To Find Love In Later Life?
The short answer: YES without a doubt! The long answer: YES without a doubt and here’s why. The only thing (and I really mean this) standing between you and meeting your love in later life are the stories you’re telling yourself about what’s now (im)possible for you because of your age or because of your past experiences. I really do see that it’s as simple as that. Take a breath and read on.
Let me explain. It’s only ever believing our thinking, or taking it seriously that gets in the way of us fully embracing life post 50 and finding and falling in love. How many times have you said to yourself or even heard friends say, ‘all the good men are taken’, ‘who’s going to look at me now?’ ‘I’m far to set in my ways’, ‘I need to be with someone younger to keep me feeling young too’? All of it is made up, all these stories are fiction. They might look true to you right now, but they are only thoughts you’ve had and decided to believe. There is absolutely no reason why you can’t and won’t meet someone and fall in love later in life.
I can tell you it’s possible from personal experience. I met my guy just before my 50th birthday, he was 51. I’ve recently heard of a couple meeting and getting married in their 80s. I attended the wedding of friends this summer who were getting married for the first time in their late 50s. It’s possible. It’s likely. The answer however, lies with you and what you believe. What you believe is fundamental to success
I’d also love you to know that you’re much more likely to meet and fall in love when you’re not desperately looking. Focussing on ‘trying to find love’ as if your life depended on it is never a good idea. Desperate isn’t a good look. When you know and see that your life and your happiness isn’t dependent on someone else. you’ll be much more open to meeting someone just right for you.
People who are busy enjoying life are naturally much more attractive. I don’t mean attractive in the beauty stakes but rather in the fact that they will naturally attract people to them. People just want to hang out with you when you’re simply out there living and loving your life. Think of your friends. You’re much more likely to want to spend time with those who love life regardless of whether they’re single or in a relationship. Those that complain or stress about things are much harder to be with, and this is a great lesson for us as we consider a new relationship. How do you want to show up in life?
Do you remember those 3D Magic Eye picture books from a few years back? The way you saw the image, which would seemingly jump out at you, was when you were not really focussed on it, you let your eyes relax and hey presto, there it was. Imagine bringing this ‘relaxed focus’ into your dating life.
Chill out a little. Know what you want and stop chasing it. Be the kind of person you want to attract into your life. Live a little and then see what shows up.
Following a divorce, Rebecca Perkins found herself a single mother to three children and 45 years old in 2008. She hadn’t dated since her early 20s and found that much had changed! After a number of years of good and bad dates she met her guy (online naturally) and fell in love just before her 50th birthday. Midlife has taught her to be more open-minded, to take more risks, to worry less and live by the motto, ‘If not now, when?’
Rebecca is a qualified wellbeing and resilience coach and has worked with individuals and groups across all ages and sectors. Her passion is getting right to the heart of what her clients want for their lives, helping them see beyond what they currently believe is possible.
Rebecca is co-founder of Irresistible Dating which she set up with award winning dating photographer Saskia Nelson. Their expertise lies in guiding clients into the right mindset for dating success as well as helping them create a dating profile that stands out.
Rebecca is also the author of Best Knickers Always: 50 Lessons for Midlife. Her latest book, co written with her daughter, Recovery from Within: A mother and daughter’s journey through anorexia will be published in the autumn. Rebecca has appeared on BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour, BBC London and writes regularly for Medium where she was featured as one of their top writers on mental health.