Dating Diary part Twelve - Great friend, bad taste?!

The answer is no. At least not for sometime. Till then Grace — and women like her — will make a series of excuses for her amazing man’s appalling actions. Ok, he canceled their dinner date at the last minute – but only because he forgot he was having dinner with his ex-wife. Yes, he spent the whole time during their romantic weekend in Venice on his phone — but there was an emergency at work. And yes he did send flowers on her birthday — it wasn’t his fault he sent them to the wrong address! 

So my question is this: what do you say to best friend about their bad romantic choices? Let’s consider the options. 

Option One. Just lie. Indulge best friend. Say, he’s totally amazing, so smart and very sexy etc. on the grounds that it won’t last very long; eventually, she will discover the truth. 

Option Two: Be diplomatic. Find something good to say about him and focus on that.  If he’s one of these strong, silent and sulky kind of men just say he’s such a calm and chilled out person. 

Option Three: Tell the truth. This is the hardest option and the one with the highest risk. If you intervene now you will save best friend a lot of heartache further down the romantic road. You know with absolute certainty it’s only a matter of time before you get the tearful phone calls about how awful he has treated her and should she end it?

I actually told a good friend the truth about the chap she was dating: he was boring and he treated her badly and she could do so much better than him. She thanked me for being so honest and said I was a good friend -  and didn’t speak to me again for six months. 

So what do you? I’ve decided that you should tell the truth — but only when your best friend is ready to hear it. That is, when they see the pattern of their bad choices and want to change. Sooner or later they will get fed up with bad men.  There are plenty of good guys out there on the dating scene waiting for your call — why not give them a try? 

Cosmo Landesman is the former dating columnist for The Sunday Times and writes about love and romance for a wide range of publications including The Times and The Spectator magazine. He is currently single — but remains optimistic that true love is just one date away. 

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