Finding “The One” – It isn’t, and shouldn’t be, easy

We’ve been led to believe that meeting “the one” is easy, you’ll just happen across each other when you’re out for a stroll or walking your dogs or something like that. We see it all the time in romantic comedies – boy meets girl by chance, boy almost loses girl, boy wins girl back. Apart from relying entirely on a man to take action (it’s 2019, anyone can make the first move, keep up writers!), it’s also quite hard to believe. Why? Because it just doesn’t happen that way. 


Finding “the one” isn’t, and really shouldn’t be, simple. Finding someone to share your life, almost every waking moment and every big decision, with should take a lot of careful thought and understanding of one another. That’s not something that can just happen when your eyes first meet, it’s going to take a little more than that. 


“The One” Might Take Some Work


Everything won’t just fall in to place on its own, as much as we like to think everything that’s destined to be will be. The idea that there is one person out there for everyone in this world is nice, in theory. In reality we’re all living our own lives for ourselves, as we should be, not just a half waiting around for someone else to come and make us whole. So it’s going to take a little bit more than waiting around to meet “the one”. 


You need to be sure you’re ready to share your life with someone else, and that that someone else is too. We’ve all heard the phrase “the timing just wasn’t right,” and sadly that’s sometimes true – you can meet the most wonderful person ever, but if you or they aren’t ready then it’s not meant to be at the moment. 


You also can’t expect someone to give up their own individuality at the drop of a hat to fit your mould. So break the mould, don’t set expectations and restrictions on someone you haven’t met yet. And expect the same in return – if someone’s giving you a long list of what they expect from a partner, it might be a sign they’re not ready to fully accept a real person in to their life rather than a fantasy. 


Forever is a Long Time 


If you’ve been in a long-term relationship before, you’ll understand that forever doesn’t always work. With that comes a difficult period of recovery and reflection, and it can also feel like you’ve given up your “best years” for nothing. This is the risk we take, however rest assured your “best years” are still to come (and just because a relationship ended, it doesn’t mean those years counted for nothing). 


Forever is difficult, it requires compromise and understanding. And when forever doesn’t work out it requires strength and resolve. These are things you need to be open to and ready for, so ask yourself – are you ready to make changes to your own life? Whilst you certainly shouldn’t fully change for someone, there does need to be some give and take in a partnership. 


You Need and Deserve Time 


A lot of people make rushed decisions when they feel pressured. Whether that’s pressure from societal expectations, or worse, their partner. First off, if a partner puts pressure on your to make important decisions, they’re not “the one” – your partner should understand that you need time to come to your own conclusions. 


Second, you deserve time to make decisions. Whether that’s something like moving in together, getting married, or even just getting a pet together, these are all decisions that require careful thought and time. That’s time that both of you deserve to put in together. If you prefer to make impulsive decisions, that might be something you’ll need to compromise on with your partner, and vice versa – you both need to be willing to give each other time. 


You also deserve time to just be you. It’s okay to be single for a while, no matter what anyone else says. Have fun, enjoy your own life and take your time doing it. Make sure you’re really ready before you meet “the one” otherwise forever might not last for you. 


So, ask yourself – are you ready to meet “the one”? It’s alright if not, you have time. If you are ready, make sure you’re willing to put in a little bit of work on your part, and they will too. Understand that no one person is going to tick every box for you, but if you’re willing to put in some time and understanding you’ll find someone that comes pretty close. That person will be worth your time, and they might even be “the one”. 


Share article

Have you downloaded Lumen yet? Join for free and find someone worth talking to today.