Letting Go: Finally Moving on From a Love Lost
In order to move forward, at some point you have to let go. Have you found another year going by and still go to pieces when you think about your ex? Are you struggling to let go of that pain?
Recovery is something you need to take at your own pace. However, don’t let yourself wallow in your feelings. Instead, take those feelings in a new direction, any direction. Moving forward will allow you to let go of past pain. A lot of people refer to this as “emotional baggage” but the fact is we all have some, just some of us are afraid to admit it. As they say, the first step with any problem is admitting that it’s there – accept that you have pain, validate those feelings and you can start to process them.
Let’s think about some of the directions you can move in to let go of your pain…
Talk it out
Sometimes letting go means getting out the words that need to be said. That might mean a conversation with your ex-partner – it doesn’t have to be something nasty. If it has been a while, perhaps you could have a rational conversation about what didn’t work out and how you’re each feeling. It’s possibly going to be an uncomfortable conversation, but it will be an important one that will help you both move forward.
If talking to your ex isn’t an option, or if you feel that’s not what’s going to help you, that doesn’t mean you have to keep everything bottled up. There’s no shame in seeking counselling, and in fact if it’s been so long and you still feel broken it’s probably a good sign that there’s something deeper there. Getting the help you need takes a great deal of strength, it’s taking that step of admitting there’s a problem and addressing it. So don’t be afraid to speak to a professional about what you’re going through.
Make a Change
Have you actually changed anything since your loss? If not, perhaps you’re holding on to things a little too tightly and need to make a change somewhere. The last thing you want is to be living in a sort of “tomb” to the memory of a lost love.
Now that doesn’t mean you have to get up and move to a new place – unless of course that’s something you can do that you believe will help you. There’s actually something quite refreshing about making a new start, and it’s definitely an option to consider. Instead of that, however, maybe just stick to a redecorating job – it’s a pretty good excuse to get family and friends involved, so you can be surrounded by loved ones. Even just changing up your look could be all you need, which is another fun excuse to get family and friends surrounding you.
Ask for Help
We have this nasty habit of dismissing our own feelings and irrational or not worthy of addressing. “Someone else has it worse off,” often springs to mind when we think about our own problems. But you’re not someone else, your struggle isn’t something to be compared to others’. This is your life and you’re living it, so you need to be enjoying it. That means addressing your problems and not just sweeping them under the rug with “someone else has it worse off.”
Talk to your friend and family about how you’re feeling, let them help you through this time. And again, there is no shame in seeking out professional help. Let someone help you unburden yourself and understand that in time, and with the right help, this storm will come to pass. It’s time to move on, and it’s okay to let go and move on – as C.S. Lewis once said, “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.”