Self Love And Why It’s So Important Before Dating Again


So many rush headlong into dating again once a relationship has ended, often even before the ink is dry on their divorce papers. Why is this? I believe there’s a fear within us that we need to meet someone NOW, before we get too old, or time runs out, or all the good ones are taken. It’s understandable in some way and yet from experience, it is not the right way to enjoy a pleasurable dating life! There is no hurry to get back out dating. There are things that are more important before we venture back out there. 


Breathe. Let’s begin here. 


Fall back in love with yourself. That’s where I’d start. It’s likely that during a break up or even if you’ve been alone for a long time, your self-esteem has taken a battering. You may feel a little bruised. You may well have been judging yourself or been allowing others to judge you harshly and the fallout can be brutal. Sometimes the clichés are true, loving yourself is where it’s important to begin.


Self love doesn’t have to be scented candles and massages. It can simply be sitting with yourself with a cup of tea in peaceful silence. It doesn’t have to be an expensive retreat.  It can be curled up with a book and allowing yourself time and space to simply be. It doesn’t have to mean therapy and extended navel gazing.  It can simply be sharing some real time with a friend, or time doing your favourite hobby. Self love could look like making soup for yourself or turning off your mobile phone. Self love often looks like saying ‘No’ when your usual response is saying ‘Yes’. 


When you are comfortable in your own skin, you are naturally confident and at peace with yourself and the world. When you are comfortable in your own skin you can look in the mirror and into your own eyes and be happy with what you see. Judging yourself no longer makes sense. When we are comfortable in our own skin we are more inclined to look after ourselves, to have healthy habits, to nourish ourselves, our bodies and our souls.


We feel more content with life, we are hopeful, we can put the past into perspective and look forward with anticipation to the future, this is what comes with an ease and sense of being comfortable with the person we are.


When we feel at ease we focus less on what’s not working.  The difficulties we encounter, and the negativity that often surrounds us seem much more manageable when we’re at peace with ourselves. We are generally much more positive, happy, curious and kinder towards ourselves and others from this state of mind. We become the kind of person we like to hang out with. 


When we show ourselves love we are in fact showing others how we wish to be treated. When love and respect for ourselves is unshakeable we can move forward from the past and head into dating and a new relationship with ease and a profoundly good feeling. 


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