Dating Diary Part One
I turned sixty-four the other day. People ask me ‘What’s it like being sixty-four and single?’ And they ask it in a voice of poor-you pity. It’s not their fault.
Personally, I blame the Beatles and their song that goes: “will you still feed me/ will you still need me/ when I’m sixty-four?” When I was in my twenties I was certain that the answer was no; you won’t need me and you won’t feed and worst of all, you won’t have sex with me! Back then I assumed that love, romance and sex would be over once you turned fifty, never mind turning sixty-four! I was thinking about this the other night as I lay in bed with a woman I had recently met on a date. She is sixty-six, super smart and is brilliant in the sack! We had an amazing time together. I don’t mean to boast. I just want to point out something we tend to forget: you’re love life can be as good — or even better — when your much older, than when you were much younger. Our youth obsessed society tends to assume that love and lust are wasted on the mature. Even the novelist Joanna Trollope (74) recently said that though she had started dating again, she thought falling in love was “pointless” at her age. Younger people don’t believe that older people like me are still having sex. I have an old friend who is in his mid-forties. We meet for a catch-up lunch once a year and he always asks me the same question: “So, have you lost your libido yet?” And when I say no, he looks crushed. Not only do people like me continue to have sex but we have more sex and better sex than young people – at least young married people. How do I know that? Because that’s what my young married friends keep telling me. Being married — or in a long-term relationship — has many wonderful things about it. (I know, I did it twice.) Love. Companionship. Children. But sex isn’t one of them. I’ve lost count of the number of young married men and women who say they love their partner, “but we don’t have sex anymore.” What with kids and careers, they’re just too exhausted at the end of day. You might think that after two marriages, numerous relationships and and a hundred-and-one dates I would have given up looking for my sexy soul mate. Yes, there have been times when I have — and no doubt you have too. And then I think about those stories I’ve read about people finding love late in life. You know the kind. He’s 92 and she’s 81 and they met once at a tea dance sixty-years ago. They found other people. Lost their partners and very late in life they’ve found each other. She says, “it’s lovely having someone to kiss and cuddle with in bed” and he chuckles and gives her a sly wink. So what’s the moral of this story? Hurry up and find someone before you’re too old to shag? No it isn’t! Just remember this: you’re never too old to find love.
Cosmo Landesman is the former dating columnist for The Sunday Times and writes about love and romance for a wide range of publications including The Times and The Spectator magazine. He is currently single — but remains optimistic that true love is just one date away.