4 habits to create for a happy 2020
I’ve never been someone who’s set New Year’s resolutions, mainly because I ‘failed’ so many times in the past. I’d create a long list of things I wanted to achieve and have failed by the end of January. These days I’m much more focussed on getting a sense of what I’d like more of, or less of in my life and go from there. How about you?
With that in mind, here are my thoughts on how to prepare for your 2020 dating life. By the way, I’ll be doing the same!
Don’t take your thinking so seriouslyIt’s so easy to take everything that happens online personally and seriously. It’s really easy to get caught up in a thought storm that’s running out of control and before we know it we’ve taken all dating apps off our phone and unsubscribed from various dating sites. That’s not just me right?
Begin to notice the dialogue that’s running in our head (actually it’s more like a monologue and one you’ve heard numerous times before). Notice that it’s just noise and reflecting your current state of mind. That’s great if it’s upbeat and positive and not so much fun if it’s all doom and gloom. Just notice, that’s all you need to do and then don’t take any of your thinking quite so seriously.
Get out more! Leave your house!
There’s an old phrase that says, the magic happens outside your comfort zone. The same could be said for life which is happening outside your front door. It’s easy to feel miserable and sorry for ourselves curled up on a Saturday night with Lumen open on your phone, scrolling and wondering where all the cool people are hanging out. They’re out. That’s it. They’re out meeting people.
I’ve always recommended using apps as part of your dating life. When you’re outside your front door, get used to making conversation, saying good morning, being open to engaging with people, talk to people. It’s amazing how this alone changes our perspective.
Start more conversations — stop being a bystander in your own life
Likewise start more conversations with people online. Get chatting, stop waiting and being a bystander in your own life. Life will pass you by while you’re waiting at the metaphorical bus stop.
But I don’t know what to say? Sure you do! Ask questions, show you’ve read someone’s profile, comment on something they’ve written or you’ve noticed in their images. Be the one to get the conversation started. I’m definitely going to be doing more of this next year.
Tear up the rule book
This is the best one! We limit ourselves when we live life by the rule book that we’ve created about the type of person we want to date, or get to know, or have a relationship with. The more open minded we are the more fun we’ll have. Take a look at the ‘rules’ you’ve created and go from there. Your rules might be around location, education, height, occupation, children, ask yourself why these ‘rules’ are important. You may well find that they’re not. Have a think about the rules you’ve created about what a relationship ‘should’ look like. The type of relationship you had in your twenties or thirties could look completely different now you’re in your fifties. Tearing up your rule book is where freedom lies!
Following a divorce, Rebecca Perkins found herself a single mother to three children and 45 years old in 2008. She hadn’t dated since her early 20s and found that much had changed! After a number of years of good and bad dates she met her guy (online naturally) and fell in love just before her 50th birthday. Midlife has taught her to be more open-minded, to take more risks, to worry less and live by the motto, ‘If not now, when?’
Rebecca is a qualified wellbeing and resilience coach and has worked with individuals and groups across all ages and sectors. Her passion is getting right to the heart of what her clients want for their lives, helping them see beyond what they currently believe is possible.
Rebecca is co-founder of Irresistible Dating which she set up with award winning dating photographer Saskia Nelson. Their expertise lies in guiding clients into the right mindset for dating success as well as helping them create a dating profile that stands out.
Rebecca is also the author of Best Knickers Always: 50 Lessons for Midlife. Her latest book, co written with her daughter, Recovery from Within: A mother and daughter’s journey through anorexia will be published in the autumn. Rebecca has appeared on BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour, BBC London and writes regularly for Medium where she was featured as one of their top writers on mental health.