Being Single At Christmas
We seem to fall into two camps at this festive time of year. We either love it or loathe it and that’s about the sum of it. I love it and I know plenty who don’t!
We can pile a whole lot of pressure on ourselves when we have certain expectations for how we or things should be at this time of year. This can feel overwhelming, especially when we’re unhappily single. Everyone seems excited about the party season, getting dressed up, partying, dancing and perhaps having one too many celebratory drinks. If we’re on social media the pressure can feel even greater...it seems everyone is having a good time and we’re not.
We start looking inward and wondering how life would be better…we play the ‘if only’ game.
If only I were in a relationship…
If only I lived somewhere more lively…
If only I looked different…
If only I didn’t feel so hopeless about meeting new people...
I’ve been there and know that feeling. And, it’s not helpful to pursue that path of self judgment and criticism even though it feels the most natural thing to be doing.
When we stop and see that the pressures and expectations are coming not from the outside world (although it certainly looks that way) we can get a different perspective. The pressures we feel are only ever coming from our own thinking about how we think it should be, or how we think we should be. The expectations are ones we’ve created ourselves. When I saw this, it changed my attitude and state of mind completely.
Of course it looks like the grass is always greener on the other side. I do understand that. I also read something a while ago that stated that the grass is greener where it’s watered. I like that metaphor and I wonder how it might apply to you right now during this festive season if things aren’t as you’d hope they’d be.
The suffering and stress we cause ourselves is always because of wishing something was different. We miss out on what is going well in our lives when our mind is racing back through past experiences or living in a made up fantasy future of ‘life will be better when…’.
So what can you see differently right now? What can you celebrate about your life right now...it can be the smallest thing. I wonder how you could go easy on yourself, see that what you’re feeling is perfectly normal and human. We all go through our own times of being very very human. What is you relaxed into life a little more and spent more time living it rather than being in your thinking.
And you know what? There’s a lot to be said for curling up on the sofa with a glass of wine and a box of chocolates and your favourite book or film!
Just a suggestion and one I often need to hear for myself!