Dating After 50: 5 Dating Tips For Dating After Divorce
If you’re newly single, or divorced and dating again in your fifties, you are not alone. A large proportion of the people you’ll meet have been through separation and divorce, and for most it was never the plan to start over and get out there again.
Now that you’re here and ready to take your next steps, it can be the start of an incredibly exciting next chapter in your life. I’m not saying this lightly — I also had to start over and rebuild my life after a divorce.
Here are 5 tips to help you take your next steps and prepare you for what you may find when you start dating again after 50.
1. Don’t rush into dating or a relationship Do what you can to truly heal, get closure on your marriage breaking down and embrace the time you have by yourself. Taking your time to work through the hurt your divorce has caused in all the different areas of your life will really work in your favour in the long run. The dating scene is not an even playing field and you will most likely come across people who are not ready to date or for a relationship. That in itself can be a very confusing, painful experience. So give yourself enough time until you feel truly ready to meet new people and potentially let somebody new into your life.
2. Take stock of why your marriage didn’t work out If you don't take time to get to the root of the real reasons why your marriage broke down, it is highly likely that history will repeat itself eventually in your next relationship, and you may well have a rocky ride on the dating scene. Chances are that you will either repeat the patterns, habits or behaviours that contributed to, or caused the breakdown, and / or attract a similar kind of person and relationship and go through it all again. Understand the patterns and habits, choices and decisions, beliefs and blind-spots that over time caused your relationship to break down. Take responsibility for what you can, and forgive where you must, including yourself to help you move on and start again.
3. Know your Divorce Story We all have a narrative and story around why and how our marriage broke down, our ex and the fallout of it all. When you start dating, it will obviously come up in conversation, often in the very early stages when you start messaging or on a first date. There’s a time and place for everything and if you start seeing someone more seriously there will be time to talk about all these things, a first date isn’t it. It’s not reasonable to expect that someone will be without at least some sort of baggage, especially after something as traumatic as a divorce. Avoid bonding over your baggage early on. The key here is to not get drawn into a negative, toxic conversation about exes, finance, childcare and/ or legal battles and for your date to be overshadowed by discussions like these. Practice what you’d say and keep it light, especially early on.
4. Focus on creating the most interesting life you can for yourself Creating an amazing (single) life that you love living is one of the most attractive things you can ever do — and never let that go, especially when you eventually get into a new relationship. Going through a divorce is often a catalyst for finally creating and living the life you’re dreaming of, whatever this means to you. When you become the most interesting (not perfect) version of yourself a few things happen: you are naturally more confident, you’re fun and interesting to be with and you start attracting and connecting with likeminded people who are interested in similar things.
5. Upgrade your look and style Finding love is never about how you look, but how confidently you come across has a lot to do with the way you feel about how you look and present yourself. If you’re stuck in a style rut, then this is the perfect opportunity for a fresh start. Whether it’s a haircut or a full blown transformation, go with what makes you feel good and like the best version for you. The way you feel about yourself may make the difference between ‘putting yourself out there’ or not, responding to a potential connection or not. Take the plunge and re-emerge as the new you, ready to have fun! And since you’re here on Lumen, the importance of your profile pictures can’t be underestimated — take care with the pictures you choose and how you’d like to come across on your profile. Your personal style communicates a lot about who you are.
Award-winning Dating & Relationship Coach Ané Auret specialises in helping women find new love after breakup or divorce. Since rebuilding her own life after divorce and now happily married again, Ané is passionate about supporting women during their own post-divorce transformation through her unique Heal — Play — Love process, a 3 Step Programme to Starting Over in Love. Through her exclusive coaching programmes and tailor-made mentoring Ané helps you reinvent the New You so you can date with confidence and ease and find love again. Ané was awarded the Dating Expert of the Year Award at the prestigious UK Dating Awards in 2017. She also hosts the popular Ready for Love Podcast.