The five love languages: which one is yours?

When you get back into the dating scene, it’s not only important to think about what you want from the future, but also to understand your dating and relationship patterns.

Knowing how you express your love, and how that works for the person you’re dating or have a relationship with, can have a great impact on your story.

That’s what Gary Chapman has taught to millions of people around the world, in his famous book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”.

First published in 1992, the book has sold over 11 million copies in English and has been translated in 49 other languages. 

Its key message is that people have five main ways to express and experience love, that the author calls “love languages”. He argues that, while each of these languages is enjoyed to some degree by all people, a person will usually have one primary and one secondary love language, which speak more deeply to him or her than all the others.

In other words: if someone doesn’t love you in the way you would like them to, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you, or that they love you less. In many cases, it might simply mean that you have different ways of expressing your feelings for the other person.

The 5 Love Languages

  • Words of affirmation — they’re used to build up the other person, through constructive words rather than critical ones. 

  • Gifts — often times, it’s not about the gift in itself, but about what it signifies, starting from the fact that the other person was thinking about you when he bought it.

  • Acts of service — these can include small or big chores that the other person doesn’t really like doing (like washing dishes or cooking a meal).

  • Quality time — this means switching off your TV or smartphone, in order to give the other person your undivided attention.

  • Physical touch — a hug, a kiss or holding the other person’s hand, are some of the things that make the person whose love language is physical touch feel loved.

How to discover your primary Love Language

You can discover another person’s love language by carefully observing the way they express love to others, by analyzing how they usually express love and appreciation to others and noticing what they usually request from their loved ones most often. 

We tend to naturally express our love in the way we prefer to receive it. So better communication between couples or new partners can be accomplished when you can express your feelings to the other person in the love language the other person best understands and appreciates.

Because finding love is just the first step. And we’re trying to make this process easier for over 50s with Lumen app. But once you’ve found it, you then need to work on it and nurture your relationship every day.

In a way, dating when you’re over 50 can be much more easier and liberating than when you were younger. You know what you want, what you like and what you don’t like. But this path of self-discovery is a never-ending one, and the 5 languages of love can help you in getting to know yourself and the person you’re dating at a deeper level.

So what’s your love language? And that of the person you’re dating?

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