Behind The Scenes vs Highlight Reel

There’s a quote I love and use a lot because it applies to so many of us whatever our age, gender or life situation. It’s also really important to take into account when we’re feeling a bit fed up or frustrated with our current (lack of) dating life.

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~ Stephen Furtick 

It’s true isn’t it and probably relevant across all areas of our lives! There’s part of us that knows the shiny Instagram feeds of many celebrities, influencers (goodness I dislike that word!), or of our friends isn’t telling the whole truth yet we’re sucked in to it and make believe it’s real. 

This is why we suffer and struggle. Why do we take this stuff so seriously even when we know it’s all made up and not real.

Comparing ourselves to others seems to be a national past-time. It’s a crazy thing to do and makes absolutely no sense at all. You see, we are never comparing like for like because no two people, no two relationships are identical. When we fully live our life, rather than looking at the perceived faults in ours and the perceived ‘highlights’ in someone else’s life we’d actually be a lot more content with the life we have.

#relationshipgoals has to be one of my least favourite hashtags! What a load of nonsense! It comes a close second to the ‘smug marrieds’ that dear Bridget Jones used to describe those in relationships when she was struggling with her relationship status as ‘singleton’. We forget the filters and the gloss that social media thrives on and kids us into believing. It’s all designed to make us feel lacking in our own lives. Perhaps it’s time to ditch it for a while and focus on what’s good in your own life.

Life is lived in this moment, never in the past or in the future. Sometime this moment sucks and sometimes it’s wonderful. That’s just the way it is. It’s the rollercoaster of life.

The trouble is we spend so much time in the future, imagining a ‘perfect’ life, or, I’ll be happy when, or, once I’m in a relationship, or, if only that guy would answer my emails, that we’re missing out on life happening right underneath our noses. When you think about the time we waste daydreaming of a future that’s ‘make believe’ or pining for a past that we’re seeing through rose tinted glasses, it’s shocking.

Watch out for your inner critic, you know that voice that’s always got something mean and unhelpful to say. You do know it’s not real don’t you? You do know you don’t need to take any notice to it. A long time ago I used to listen to this inner critic as if it was the wisest voice out there. I’d end up having my own ‘pity party’ trying to console myself without realising for one moment that all my suffering was self inflicted. These days I don’t take so much notice of that inner critic and I’m much freer and content in my life.

Rebecca is a qualified wellbeing and resilience coach and has worked with individuals and groups across all ages and sectors. Her passion is getting right to the heart of what her clients want for their lives, helping them see beyond what they currently believe is possible. 

Rebecca is co-founder of Irresistible Dating which she set up with award winning dating photographer Saskia Nelson. Their expertise lies in guiding clients into the right mindset for dating success as well as helping them create a dating profile that stands out. 

Rebecca is also the author of Best Knickers Always: 50 Lessons for Midlife. Her latest book, co written with her daughter, Recovery from Within: A mother and daughter’s journey through anorexia will be published in the autumn. Rebecca has appeared on BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour, BBC London and writes regularly for Medium where she was featured as one of their top writers on mental health. 

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